| (no subject) |
[Apr. 15th, 2009|10:18 pm] |
Fleshy friends yell at me. Tell me get Twitter. I no understand. Ask if this be some radical new drug and they say no. Disappointed. New drugs introduce different flavors into fleshies. Extra spice when flesh enough not good. Kinda like limited edition Pringles flavors. Yum.
So, they tell me what is. Bloggerscape thing. All rage. People make updates in limited letters, make neat things. Good for stalking celebrities (Not for me. Celebs too stringy, rubbery. Taste like botox.) Make chairs respond to farts. Scary world becomes, when inanimate things start talking and asking to check out latest reddit thread. I would Hide in box. Always would hide in box.
Anyway, on tweet I am Should join too, you. Post google map location in hashtag feel. Better for me to acquaint. Better for me to feast.
Err, mean feast with. Feast with. Good Applebees nearby. Always good Applebees nearby.
Phew, dodged bullet. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 2nd, 2008|08:27 am] |
GRAGGGGH... Brains.
Note to all who be human breifly after zombie transformation: No invite zombie friends to "de-zombification" party. They jealous. Insist you change back. Say "noooo, me like legs that no try invent new folds" but matter no. They just bite anyway. Bite leads back to where was. At least cadaver smell not entirely return.
On bright side, this sped up removal of boring couple none invite. Lighthouses NOT awesome. Maybe for ship captain, but they not ship captains. STOP talking of them.
Brains.
... Damn. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 1st, 2008|11:49 am] |
Hey, guys! Check it out! I'm healed!
I'm not sure *what* happened, but I guess the government finally came through with all that anti-zombie bacterial cream and airborne-spray and finally wasted the land with all that stuff. Sure, 14 people are now dead in the neighborhood surrounding me and the life is apparently not going to return to the soil for the next 5 years, but I could move without worry of my skin ripping on another coathanger! For the third time!
I don't think Uncle Zombor is going to like this at all, but I just *got* to let him know. I know he's tied to the old zombie-atic ways, but surely he's got to be proud that the nephew that looked up to him all this time is finally going to get the live he never got.
And guess what? I *ate* meat. You know, other than human meat. Greasy, dollar-menu paper hamburger meat! It was great! I smell the air and don't smell cadaver, and girl actually came by and talked to me! And this time she wasn't a goth! The air is brilliant! The sky is clear! I feel like singing! I feel like dancing!
Oh, snap! I can dance now!! I can dance without my legs rotting off! Awesome!
I'm going to invite *all* my friends over. Tonight's worthy of a party! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 10th, 2007|11:33 am] |
Apology for lack update required. Summer no good on zombie skin, and make for awkward times in public areas. Screams, smells, heat, scaring small fleshies... All blame zombie fault! However, when leave, squishies blame global warming again. Is sort of fun going back forth watching bipolar panic, but not productive.
Motherling suggested namebrand skin product to help skin prob. Always suggest this. Get annoying fast. Like she embarrassed of my nature. If me want look human, me go get plastic surgery! (Although bad idea; synthetic skin looks tasty, but not. Chewy like gum. Would hate having go back every other week for new skin batch because temptation strike.) Fighting for zombie acceptance could make good Lifetime film, fact. Would require much lovey-feely-crying-tasty romance though. Tasty can do, but not other.
Did go see human movie affair "Transformers" though. Concept good, movie fun, but lacked central element: If machine biological, then possibility transZOMBIE imminent! Would make friend of Megatron zombie, yes. Perhap offer old computer as sacrifice to new reign. Awesome adventures could happen; we both flip off snooty Starscream and go reign over humanity. Best dream ever!
(Yes, know that fanzombies may reply with obscure brain-rage. "Was repaint Prime!" they would say! "Key element in ep N!" also. Will have to remind of Rotting Ned, zombie who so involved with Transformers during life that he try transform into car. Strangely, it worked, but he stuck. Take him for car wash now and then. Oddly, smells slightly better than most air-freshned wheel-vehicles.)
Now, must go. Family in town. They want go water-park. I object, but they insist. Chlorine no good for dead body, make things funkier than before. Will see how feel they after intestines rain down from high slide. They better pick them up! |
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| Blargh! Again |
[Jun. 14th, 2007|09:19 am] |
Silly Humans Think We Invade, Eat Brains! Admire spirit, and important for safety in crisis time, but misguided and bring stereotypical pictures into view of zombie kind and zombie tastes. Much changed in zombie culture since days of inquisitor Romero! So zombie have revenge like only zombie can: talk of everyday Human Invasion!
Today, woke up. Arm fell off but no big deal. Uncle Zombor told of spray-on glue that work like magic, but had to go to Human-Mart to get. Gragh. No like. People point and run in horror like cattle. Good for getting to express lane easy, but bad for help get.
Went anyway. Argh. Fleshies point, fleshies run, fleshies don't realize I walk half mile per hour. They run marathon, get tired! No wonder many of my kind get feasts on daily basis: we wear out them! Think humans need plastic hamster balls to roll round in 'stead. May make for harder prey for us zombie, but might entertain!
Anyway, went to construction part. Tom working there! Tom fellow zombie met on campus. Good friend. He I many great adventures, including create zombie awareness club. Had to create zombies in order to keep club this year, but beside point.
Human-Mart truly equal opportunity employer, apparently. He get minimum wage, but treated like fleshy own (As long as no brain eaten, that is). Told him of problem. Showed him problem and waved it around. He said spray-on glue might work, but it stiff. Not like us cadaver stiff, but as in hard to move. Make arm useless. I sad, because me suck at stitching. Back drawing board!
Around time, human popped up under the pile of wood and nail and other sharp appliances. Not understand how and imagine working nervous system must be in pain for poor human, but he not mind. He had gun and shouted (Me try best to estimate fleshy English here) "Die, zombie scum! There will be no brains for you today! Yarrrgh!" Always hate when happens. They scream, shout, surprise, but always miss. Hit and sparked all metal in room, but not one puncture of soft bits. Sigh.
I no want to get into detail. That gross and would probably result in censoring only outlet of zombie-hood online. But we take outside (No want Tom fired), make him zombie. Turn out name was Edgar. He mopey at first, but perked up once we told of zombie games and advantages toward undead. He may make good one yet! Didn't tell him of decomposition (The acne of us), but he figure out soon.
Stitched arm, went home, watched TV. What, you think we just moan all night? Well, yes, but like cathode ray on too. Stargate is on sometimes.
And... That all. Now, must be prepare. Tom, Edgar coming over to hang out. Stubbs the Zombie LAN party may happen yet! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 16th, 2006|06:07 pm] |
Me devise MASTER PLAN.
Me sit in line for BRAINSTATION THREE or whatever it called. Stench from rotted body that me grotesque. Like Pink Floyd laser light show only with smell that definitely not pot. Could smoke, but me be annoyed.
If other enter line, fresh brain await me! Consumer be forced to decide more importance: 1) Losing brain or 2) Losing place in line. Brilliant!
Me off now. Think now going to dine in on makeshift concrete jungle |
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| BRAINZ unite! |
[Aug. 12th, 2006|12:06 am] |
Me hear there new zombie game on market. "Dead Rising" me told. Reviews raving about game, and proliferating zombie violence, while freshy fleshy humans cry and scream over silly "Bully" game. Won't shut up about both. Slicing up brethren with quality merchandise from local mall is fun, games! But something trivial as "Swirl the Fleshy" gets all people riled up. Something 'bout "emotional stunting". What about zombie? Zombie get stunted so hard, he lose all limbs! Zombies no get disability either. It also hard to crawl with teeth.
(Flesh ones may think zombie making silly joke. Not so. "Old Bones ZombMcGhee" is hero to zombpeople. Served patriotic duty in all wars since 1800. Lost body part in almost all. Always own unit. Know untold story of how he bit Hitler and converted him to zombie, ending Great War II? Now know! "More you know"! Hate stupid flying network star, though.)
Are me only one who see problem here? Me say "NO MORE. ARGH."
I form new group: "Ban outRight Atrocities In the Name of Zombies" (BRAINZ). We take word to everyone. You think we bad, but we just want live life dead. That wrong? So eat brain or two. Everyone do it! Accident happen. Relax. Be cool, warm blooded ones. We zombie always make sure to clean up messy fleshies, or have janitorial affairs do labor for us. Not uncivilized, the zombie! We tip, but usually they not accept. Discrimination!
So, say "No more!" we. Bring stupid Governmental houses to notice. No longer stand for lawnmower decapitations or mysterious men with three-barreled shotguns or guy saying quippy lines while messing up sacred Necronomicon ritual (Aunt Deadite cried over that one!) We have rights, and time to use them now!
So go play "Stubbs the Zombie". That *real* game. Represents modern day world in far broader light, understanding of culture. If met developers, would shake hands and even consider not eating brains. But they might like that. What works for them. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 30th, 2005|05:49 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Misfits - London Dungeon(Can't stand no dirty dead!) | ] |
Argh, Halloween time here. Make zombie anxious.
No get wrong. It good time. Full of candy. Full of night. Full of free brain pickup on street. But people always go "Hey you! Zombie thing! Great costume!". Then I explain not costume and maybe eat brain or two as example... And then not believe me! Think it's all act! Could be eating best fleshie friend with blood curdling screams coming from warm vocal box, and they think it hoot! Kind of hilarious, but also not right time to go on about zombie rights.
Fact, that was what me did this summer when me no update. English class fail me for grammatical errors. Explain that they be native speaking of AAARRGGGH, which is kind of like English but more brain eating. Fight system, I did! Even had zombie protest group going on, but that fell apart once realized most could not develop motor skills to pick up and wave signs. Got them to moan for their rights though, so maybe that's what matters.
Didn't work, by way. Have retake class though. Me no happy, but trying best to adapt. Let zombie try.
For example, I can speak BRAINS occasionally human to FLESH extenuate the magnitude of YOU ARE MADE OF MEAT. I WILL CONSUME YOUR MEAT SUPPLY zombie ability to emulate BRAINNS. Kinda. Brains.
Uncle Zombor suggested watching Bravo with him this Halloween. In his years of less decomposition, he was great dead man, for sure. Terrorized whole cities by himself. Taught Romero fleshie everything he knew, and Savini fleshie gave him tips on how to keep up his zombie complexion to live long. If zombies got postage stamps, totally endorse it I would.
Safe Halloween, you non-flesh rotters. Wear orange. That way, easier to hunt down and consume! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 16th, 2005|03:34 pm] |
Zombie have love/hate relationship against spring.
May think it because sunlight or pretty trees or sidewalk searing flesh off precious skin. I no mind that at all.
Allergies? Devastating to zombie. Forced former fleshy reaction to stupid pollen-things in air. Make sneeze happen. When sneeze happen, head flies off in directions that velocity cannot even comprehend. Not cool, especially during middle of college presentation of lack of zombie representation in the UN. Would be represented if we all sneezed at once. Fury of a thousand million heads pummeling whole governments please me.
However, exposure of skin makes zombie happy. Not only do leftover hormones kick in, but gleaming skin makes idea much tasty. Much, much tasty.
Uncle Zombor coming soon to help move out of dorm for summer. Fleshy Father would come, but complained about horrible smell. Told him I drink months old milk to simulate the texture of brains (Not very well, may add), but he no seem to believe. Maybe blood on wall from the red meat didn't help.
Now I hungry. Try Pork Rinds, I will. |
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| Puny SQL |
[Apr. 9th, 2005|02:35 pm] |
SELECT * FROM BRAIIIIINNNNNSSS;
ZOMBIE EDIT: Apology. Should be "SELECT BRAIIIIINNNNNSSS FROM Fleshies WHERE BRAIIIIINNNNNSSS = 'Tasty';
More precise and allows easier access to the tasties. Thus results in SQL being the taste-bringer.
Sadly, must be zombie geek in previous lifetime. No why think of this. Must be bad memories. Bad ones stick longer. Like skin on leather, only doesn't burn and peel off and make best friend freak out and run when no have skin on back no more. Told him beach was bad idea, make skin amiable, but nooooooo.
Me bitter still. Gragh. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 24th, 2005|04:35 pm] |
Not talk long time, I have. Been planning. Yes, planning. So many things the zombie has plans for. Eating brains. Understanding fleshies again. Eating more brains. Oh, places I will go.
Easter time, though. Easter means giant bunny with chocolate comes around and scares little kiddies until they are given chocolate. Sounds like good deal, but one fault: Forgets to eat flesh, he does. Not mature yet, but may still make for good meal. Tried talking to Huge Bunny in Mall to rectify problem; state that he missing opportunity few get. Started screaming something about the virus spreading further. His loss, my gain.
Also asked him for chocolate heart before he run. Said could probably get at Rite-Aid for cheap, since they still may have Valetine's clearance. Did not listen. Not have the monetary sense I do!
Anyway, must go infect-- talk to family again. Joyous occasion? No. Uncle Zombor may be around and I learn like young padawan.
In mean time, I present first stage of First stage of master plan. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 1st, 2005|11:00 am] |
Snoooooowww! Kind of fun to say, but not as threatening as brains.
Lots now. Lots of white on ground. Hear from Uncle Zombor fleshies like snow, so come out and flap arms and making the sliding down of things happen. Sounds interesting. Sounds tasty. Me go out!
Fleshies look at a zombie playing in snow oddly. Ask if ripped shirt and one-legged pants cause cold to happen on body. Not so. Then they throw snowball and laugh.
Response, I make snow brain. Brainsnow! Chomp on it hard. Make it graphic. Not as good as actual brain, but I call it artistic mastery.
They run. Run like little child zombies for cotton brains, though no have seen cotton brains, except on pop stars.
Snow awesome. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 14th, 2005|12:41 pm] |
Fancy Valetine's Thing upon us! Me no have delicious date for consumption of flesh (In your puny human language, "Give flowers to"), but me will be celebrating anyway. Maybe find girl who loves the music of Sir Robert Zombie and wants to be put in back of me Dragula. Zombie dreams are best dreams.
Mmm, Good Valetine's Thing day indeed. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 20th, 2005|04:01 pm] |
Attempted to be vegetarian today. Why no know, but seemed like college thing to do.
20 man-minutes it took before decided hunting stray dog more fun than earthy salad. Salad no run at sight of you. Salad probably wants you eat. No fun with no fight.
Maybe if lettuce was red. Red with blood of useless fleshies.
Mmm. Blooduce. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 18th, 2005|01:27 pm] |
Me return to college first time since Zombiefication. Very odd. Once thought college was equal-opportunity student thing, but turned wrong. People no likey you stitching up falling body parts in Physics. Told fleshies they could use parts to demonstrate force of Gravity at work, but they refuse. Fah! Rotting brain stuck in head will show them. Or maybe I show them rotting brain instead. Unsure on action. Might be funny to do both at once.
You think that being zombie would get all girls, like hit early 90's movie "My Boyfriend's Back". He wimpy zombie, though. Does comedic bits and not even kills for flesh like hardcore (Me fall sleepy halfway through though, so he might of went and caused rampage epidemic and trap teens in hip hip mall. Never know. May watch again). That weak. If he real zombie, he impress girl by raising undead army for her. Like Troy, with less chest. Most zombies no have pecs anymore. What you think?
But no, no impression made on female fleshlings. Maybe try like wimpy zombie one day.
... Might have helped if me had girlfriend before dying.
... Must invent zombie time machine. Fast. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 6th, 2005|09:13 pm] |
Christmas caroling ended in torches. Lots of torches. Zombie not talk about it, for fear of riot group tracking down zombie on the underweb. Me may be zombie, but me know difference between fire and firewall!
... Me not sure which one more annoying, though. Fire hurts body, but firewall properties hurt MIND. Make worms could crawly out of control.
Am kind of sorry for trying to eat Santa's brain in front of children. Must remember that brain-eating is private matter. Not scare young. Scaring young results in scarred minds. Scarred minds really rough to chew, Uncle Zombor told me. Baaad.
Also learn Salvation Army does not give charity of body parts. Hobo could have used arm. Me wasn't using it. Could have had torch for night, or sewn it back and have cool decoration for shopping cart. Only do what's right. Well, me have revenge when they be older and half deaf from constant bell-ringing. HAH!
Bah. Probably would use it to buy booze anyway. They like Hobo version of Brains. Only more watery. Less substance. Not understand how I lived beforehand.
Me stalk fleshies now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 24th, 2004|03:12 am] |
Fleshy family shocked by sudden zombie status. Claimed they didn't raise zombie well enough. Where zombie go wrong. Must be that heavy metal music, say fleshies. They not understand. This way of life. Heavy metal only makes easier to be in crowds conspic-- conspic... be in crowds.
Uncle Zombor most helpful. He *real* zombie. Knows ropes. Sometimes chews them too and shares. Me hope for rope stocking stuffer. Even shared some of Aunt Pentunia's long-deceased brains as delicacy, but it felt wrong. Maybe family brains shouldn't eat each other. Not quite-as-tasty lineage.
Must go sing Christmas Carols with family now. Me not know words, but "ARGH ARGH BRAINS" for that Jingly Bells song seemed sufficient. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 20th, 2004|02:12 am] |
Realized Christmas is upcoming. Blargh. No likey. Has to do with family and making fun of odder family members. They want to know what's up with congealed blood on carpet. I tell them steak sauce or ketchup, but refuse to believe. HATE.
Wait fully for Christ guy, though. Say he will rise again. That cool. Sounds like an awesome undead. He and I could go on many zombie quests. Turn water into brains. Mmm.
Christmas shopping. Hate worse than family. Thought I found fellow zombies, but realized they only other shoppers. Get hopes high. Moan.
Also went to find more of Sir Robert Zombie. He greatest thing to hit Zombiedom since Zombie. Specifically asked artist look from checkout girl, but she scream and run out. Helped self to music, then. Would have left money, but found no monkeys to punch. No iPods either. Blargh.
Being zombie not bad. Smell funky, but goes with the flesh. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 17th, 2004|11:14 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Sir Robert Zombie - Superbeast in C | ] |
Have decided repressed memories bad. Linkin Park horrible choice for music to utilize underweb with. Picking nose made more entertaining sounds, but may be also because nose fell off in mid process.
Did find disc thingy with cool fellow zombie on cover. Me put in, and found much rocking of face. Sir Robert Zombie is approved by zombie here. Dragged in the back of his Dragula. Moan.
Still no brains. Very annoying. Underweb shows signs that money may be key. Will keep punching monkeys to win iPod, first. Rarrghhh. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 17th, 2004|05:56 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Linkin Park - Breaking the BRAI-- Habit | ] |
Woke up today. Found me zombie. Kind of itches. Only repressed memory from living was livejournal, so me ravage the plains of flesh. Underweb full of pictures of tasty things, but no actual tasty. Makes zombie sad. Moan. Will experience new zombie things in future. Munchie flesh be found, yes. For now, concentrate on not-so-munchy repressed things. |
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